To Build A Home
by abandonedbystander
Summary: No matter how bad the pain was, he'd take it away in minutes, seconds. He'd never complain, and always reminded you he loved you. You've always loved him...even now... Sadstuck Trigger warning: Suicide


**Based off the song To Build A Home by Cinematic Orchestra. **

**Fandom: HomeStuck (Post-Sburb)**

**Pairing: PepsiCola (Dave x John)**

**Rating: T**

**Warnings: Suicide**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the song or the characters.**

* * *

_There is a house built out of stone_

_Wooden floors, walls and window sills_

_Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust_

_This is a place where I don't feel alone_

_This is a place where I feel at home._

The house creaked quietly, the howling winds pushing at it's walls. It didn't used to do this, but it's been so long since _he's_ been home...the house hasn't been well kept. Another creak, another howl, it's almost like the house is hurting with you, holding you inside it's walls and keeping you warm through this cool winter storm. Outside the windows, snow covers the ground in layers too thick to dig through. You shiver. It's just like when you lost him...But you still love him...Even now...

_And I built a home_

_for you_

_for me_

_Until you disappeared_

_from me_

_from you_

_And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust..._

One hard gust from the Spring-brought storm, had the walls and floors shaking, causing the chair you were seated in to fall backwards and onto the floor. Hissing, the tears fell more freely from your eyes. This was a normal occurrence, falling out of this particular chair when a particularly large wind shook the house when you weren't paying attention. _He'd _always laugh, even as the tears fell down your shocked face, causing your glasses to go askew. _He'd_ put out a hand, smiling softly and tilting his head to the side in the most adorable way, help you up, and then kiss your head where you hit it. Before you knew it, you'd be smiling. Every. Damn. Time. No matter how bad the pain was, he'd take it away in minutes, _seconds_.

_This_ was that boy's home. _Your _home. You shared it together. After finishing the game, you, your friends, and the trolls were placed back on your dead planet. It took awhile, but eventually the trolls grew comfortable with their new surroundings; the group began to split up. Some wanted to explore, others wanted to settle down and simply _live_, now that they could. _He _wanted to settle down, to live like he did before. You loved him, even then. So how could you refuse when he asked you to come with him? So, you both traveled and searched until you found the perfect place. Deep in the woods of Massachusetts, you found a field. There was a small cabin, big enough for two people, with a garden full of foods to eat. _He _smiled at you and nodded, his signature buck teeth showing through. You couldn't help but smile back...you loved this boy. Even now...

_Out in the garden where we planted the seeds_

_There is a tree as old as me_

_Branches were sewn by the color of green_

_Ground had arose and passed its knees_

The wind whistled through your hair as you walked about the field, staring upon the garden _he_ used to tend. He'd smile, and wave when you finally got your lazy ass out of bed, and ask you what you'd like to eat tonight. How you'd like it cooked, where and when you'd like to eat. _He_ cared more about you than you did...and at the time you took advantage of it. You'd tell him what you wanted, and he'd just smile, already knowing but listening nonetheless. _He'd _make you dinner, and when you finished, _he'd_ kiss you softly and take your plate to the sink for washing. _He'd _never complain, and always reminded you he loved you. You loved _him_...

Shaking your head of the memories, you proceeded to walk along, hands in your pockets and shades hanging on your shirt collar. Breathing in deeply, you could smell the warmth of Summer, _his_ favourite season. But you'd shake your head and move along, looking up at the tree _he_ convinced you to plant. You thought it was cheesy, planting a tree and watching it grow to symbolize the love between you both growing. But when _he_ looked up into your eyes and frowned, taking both your hands in his, you felt your lips mouth a small 'yes' before he took them for his own.

Green, green and yellow leaves formed it's shape, giving it shade from the harsh sun above. The tree continued growing, even after _his_ smile vanished. Even after you regained your no-longer-cool emotionless expression. Your light, _the_ light, that shone upon you and changed you, left you just as soon as it came. You love him...even now...

_By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top_

_I climbed the tree to see the world_

_When the gusts came around to blow me down_

_Held on as tightly as you held onto me_

_Held on as tightly as you held onto me..._

Your hands are bleeding, but you could care less as you grab branch after branch, pulling yourself up to the highest point. And honestly, you aren't the happiest camper when you get there, branches aren't the most comfortable seating device in the world. In fact, they're probably the _least _comfortable seating place, right after spikes.

The autumn leaves tumble and fall all around you as you sit, once again trying to push _his_ memory far from your brain. It never worked, suppressing your pain, and he was the only one to realize that aside from you. He'd smile at you and poke your nose, causing you to suppress your surprised look and meet his gaze. He'd shake his head and click his tongue. _Don't push your memories back like that. _He'd say. _If you don't face them now, later they'll come back with more force. At that point, they're shooting to kill. _He was right. He was _so goddamn right_ that you couldn't help but ignore him now. You faced your brother's death and he faced his father's, but you faced them _together_. Now, he's gone, and you have to face losing him all alone...Why do you have to love him so much? Even now...

_And I built a home_

_for you_

_for me_

_Until you disappeared_

_from me_

_from you_

_And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust..._

Your hands tremble and grip the sink in front of you. Four empty bottles lay before you, their contents all safely (pretty ironic) inside your stomach. You could feel the chemicals reaching up and out, slowly taking control of your body. You could feel yourself stumble as you made your way towards the front door. Wall after wall, tables and chairs, you passed (and bumped into) it all. You passed the photographs of you and _him_, the faded memories you cherished. You passed the kitchen he would cook in, that he would hold you in when he noticed you not in bed because of another night terror. You passed all the memories you had with him, and finally let it sink in. He was _dead_. He _died._ And now you're dying too.

You finally reach the door, the handle beckoning you. With one small tug, it opens, letting in the cold of night. The moon was full and the snow was soft as you padded across it to the tree that represented you and him. You gazed upon it, red eyes distant and glazed, and finally let the tears fall down your face. You finally let the pain wash over you, the sobs flowing through the night air in raising volume. The wind howls, echoing your own, and you think of him. You think of him, his every quirk, his every gesture, his very _being_. You fall to your knees, then onto your back, and gaze up at the long and strong branches. You stare and stare until your vision begins to fade. You stare and stare until everything fades to black. And even then, you stare into the darkness and the last thing on your mind is him.

_John...I still love you...even now..._


End file.
